My “Just Out” journey
March 19th, 2012 / 1 Comment » / by Cory L. Murphy
First of all, Thanks for reading! New creative endeavors can be downright nerve-wracking for those of us who are hyper-critical of the work we do. So I am surprised I actually summoned the audacity to boldly forge ahead with putting a weekly column out into the gay ether. So, after two years of vacillating back and forth over launching my foray into opinion writing, I am committing my pen to paper, er… computer. Hrm, hand to keyboard? Anyway, you get the point!
When I first starting working in Portland media, it was the dawning of a new millennium and I had been living in the Pacific Northwest for just a couple years, having transplanted myself from the Midwest to live with an ex-boyfriend in Vancouver, WA. After a rather tumultuous parting of ways (as young love often ends), I found myself a destitute and nearly homeless gay boy crashing on the floor of my best lesbian friend’s (BLF) apartment. After a brief and dizzying excursion into some interesting job choices, I landed an interview for ‘office manager’ with the local “gay paper” of record, Just Out. I decided that if I had indeed moved from the Midwest to live openly and proudly as a gay man, it was about time for me to get an adult job ‘in the community’.
When I arrived for my interview in NE Portland at the former Just Out offices, I was so nervous that I could have peed my pants!
“Why would these people that had never heard of me want to hire me. What did I know about Portland’s LGBTQ community that qualified me to work there?”
As I walked into my group interview, the apprehension I felt was replaced with wonder. Across from me sat the entire staff of Just Out – a collection of colorful, unique and personable individuals that, honestly, left me a little breathless. At the helm of the table was publisher Renee LaChance, Meg Grace in sales, Christoper Cuttone (pronounced Cut-Tone-A, very important I get that right) and Rupert Kinnard, to my right. My fear melted away instantly: not just because everyone was affable and inviting. I was experiencing a diverse group of individuals who i would later come to know represented the best of our community. These people grilled me on my resume, but then they took the time to ask me about who I was. I felt accepted and emboldened answer with candor – “no, I’d never had that much responsibility before”, “yes, I’m restarting my life after a bad breakup”. These folks made it easy and they took a chance on me!
Renee kept me on point and taught me to be proud of my work, no matter what I was going through – she molded me into a professional. By example, Meg taught me accountability and patience. Christopher was the first gay male I ever had a professional relationship with and he encouraged me so much in adjusting to Just Out, including gossipy lunches where he indirectly taught me much about music and art. I even got to work with Marty Davis, who would later go on to become Just Out’s publisher. Looking back on that time,
Marty never paid me much attention, but she was a professional and whenever I could I’d try to get her to notice me and smile – I think trying to getting a laugh out of Marty was one of my favorite pasttimes!
As it turns out, years later, I now realize Marty was just about hard work and results (not validating my need for approval), and whenever I’ve seen her during her stewardship of Just Out, a part of me still files like that kid wanting to make her laugh!
Interestingly, Rupert Kinnard was the first gay African-American colleague I had ever worked with. He took me under his wing and helped me adjust – to Portland. He and his partner Scott welcomed me into their home and introduced me to Portland’s black LGBTQ community. Rupert was more than a colleague, he eventually became a trusted friend and mentor that I’ve been able to turn to over the years. His love and care have helped guide me into the man I am. Through the years, these friendships have helped me in my transition in the our community in so many invaluable ways and encourage me to pursue my current advocacy and organizing goals in Portland’s LGBTQ community.
When I first heard the Just Out was closing its doors, my heart sank. I immediately thought of the hard work and sacrifices Renee and Marty made to be our eyes and ears of the past 2 decades. I never got the chance to ask Marty how she is doing, but I know she is a tough customer.
Renee told me that she cried for three days and I immediately understood why. To many of us, Just Out was more than a publication – it was a calling.
Serving the community by providing information and entertainment for us and by us – it a trust.
As a new chapter begins in Portland’s LGBTQ media community, new families will emerge. Melanie Davis’ monthly news-magazine, PQ Monthly is off to a great start. Just Out is also planning on resuming operations under a new publisher. But the most promising news is that this transition has opened the door to new voices and visions. Fabulous PDX and QPDX have joined voices to expand electronic offerings to the community and new blogs and columns, like mine, are bursting forth as well. I can’t help but feel this is good – for us all. No matter what the economy or social change or technology may bring, these unique perspectives and diverse voices will continue to inform Portland’s social and political landscape. And all these new media outlets will, one hopes, continue to take a chance on a young person, like Renee did for me so many years ago, who just wants to be part of the community.